Episode 18 – Through the Lens of Emotional Intelligence: Dr. Laura Aldape on Transforming Mindsets and Thriving in Life

Todd Bertsch: 0:10

Welcome back to the Bolt Podcast. I’m Todd Bertsch and I’m thrilled to be your guide on this inspiring journey of personal growth and leadership. Together with my guests, we’ll dive into transformational stories, uncovering how small, intentional changes can create massive positive results in your life From overcoming challenges and setting impactful goals to building lasting habits and living with confidence, health and positivity. We’ll explore it all and if you’re ready to embrace a growth mindset and unlock the best version of yourself, then let’s spark that transformation today.

Todd Bertsch: 0:46

Today on the BOLT Podcast, we’re joined by Dr. Laura Aldape, an emotional intelligence coach with a PhD in behavioral economics, specializing in personal and professional growth through emotional intelligence skills. As an experienced coach, speaker and founder of Emotions at Work, Laura shares powerful techniques for transforming outdated mindsets, improving communication and fostering resilience. Her work, backed by years of research and client success, empowers people to unlock their potential and thrive. Laura’s new book, optical Emotions, explores how our ingrained mental lenses impact our thoughts, emotions and actions. Using a unique eyewear analogy, she illustrates how our outdated mindsets can distort reality and shares practical tools to realign our perspectives, foster a more positive and empowered approach to life and work. Listeners, get ready to level up your emotional intelligence skills, Laura. Welcome to the Bolt Podcast.

Dr. Laura Aldape: 1:56

Thank you, Todd, thank you for having me here.

Todd Bertsch: 1:58

Yeah, I’ve been so excited about this. All week I’ve been getting into the book, so I know we’re going to talk a lot about the book and a lot about your background and experience, so I’m just happy that you’re taking some time out of your day coming from Switzerland, right?

Dr. Laura Aldape: 2:14

That’s right, I’m living in Zurich, so happy to also be here with several audiences across the globe.

Todd Bertsch: 2:22

Yes, podcasting is such a beautiful thing, and to be able to connect with you through LinkedIn. We had a mutual connection with Christopher Carter. He was my first guest on my podcast, so that was a great episode. He’s a great guy. I reached out and here we are having a conversation, so this is awesome. So I’m going to start off, laura, by asking how are you feeling today?

Dr. Laura Aldape: 2:46

Oh, thank you for the question. I’m feeling happy, very happy to be here with you and also, if I can say, vulnerable. When you speak about something that you’re passionate about and you’re going to put some things that are very dear to you, you can also face a little bit of fear of not having the same resonance with the audience. So it’s a mixture of happiness. This is part of emotion very happy and, at the same time, a little bit scared.

Todd Bertsch: 3:12

Right, and that’s the beauty of emotional intelligence, right? Exactly, just being self-aware, awesome. Well, I’m feeling the same. I’m feeling joy, happiness, but also, you know, a little vulnerable, you know, as I’m putting myself out there as well and I’m excited. I want this to be an amazing episode. I want to do you justice. You’re giving me some of your time and you just published this awesome book, so I’m just excited.

Dr. Laura Aldape: 3:40

Thank you.

Todd Bertsch: 3:41

So let’s get into it. If we could just start off. I know emotional intelligence, ei EQ has been around for a while, but a lot of people don’t really know what it is, and I know COVID, the pandemic, really brought it to light. So the past four or five years it’s became synonymous with mindset, mindfulness, self-awareness, self-love, all these different buzzwords. So if you could, laura, just kind of take our audience through what this is, what this is all about.

Dr. Laura Aldape: 4:15

Yes, so, as you said, emotional intelligence has been for a while here, but now, with the changing world and with so many things happening, as you mentioned, these are tools, these are social skills, let’s say in this way, that allows us to navigate life in a more intentional manner. Look to ourselves, look inside and start making this self-awareness journey, which is the basis of emotional intelligence. Then we’re equipped with better tools to navigate all of these challenging times, because we’re going to be faced by changes every single day, minor ones of days, sometimes bigger ones. But I would totally recommend to do this internal work of looking inside, the self-awareness, as I mentioned, the basis of emotional intelligence and try to dig in. Which tools can I bring to my backpack to navigate life, as I mentioned, in a more intentional manner?

Todd Bertsch: 5:16

Absolutely yes, thank you for sharing that, and I think the key word there is tools. You know we can be aware, but we got to have the tools to be able to do the work, do the exercises, and that’s that’s what this episode is all about. You’re going to give us some great tools from your book that will help our listeners really level up their AI.

Dr. Laura Aldape: 5:37

It’s going to the mental gym. If we have to say it in a way, let’s go to the mental gym we have to put ourselves some hours and get some gear in order to be open to. Way, let’s go to the mental gym. We have to put ourselves some hours and get some gear in order to be open to to go to this mental gym yep, I love that absolutely.

Todd Bertsch: 5:51

Yep, just like we go to the gym to to build our muscles, right, and we have to push them to their limit before they can actually become a habit and really do us work and move us forward, right, we have to feel a little bit of pain and we have to do the reps, just like Malcolm Gladwell says. You know, you got to put the time in, you got to do the work. So nothing’s easy, but I’m a testament to. It does work and it will change your life so great. So, as I mentioned in the bio introducing you, you have a PhD in behavioral economics, which, by the way, I find fascinating behavioral economics. Can you give our listeners just a little knowledge on the difference between behavioral economics and economics and then explain why you got into this really fascinating field, because you’ve spent the last 20 years in this field in deep research?

Dr. Laura Aldape: 6:43

years in this field and deep research. Exactly my first degree is a bachelor in economics and there I got just a grip of how the economic world is working, and this was very driven about supply and demand, things which we think are rigid. The part of economics that considers how the behavior of a human being and the impact on the economy is the part of behavioural economics. And this is more, let’s say, the more creative part of the economics studies, because we cannot deny that we have behaviours which, economically, are in our benefit, but we also make behaviours or do things or habits which are not in our best interest. So how can we measure this? What is the impact, not only for myself but for my community and, in a bigger sense, for an economic structure? The contextual behavior of how I act or react has a big saying on how do I perceive the world and how comfortable do I feel with my environment. And that’s what economical behavior tries to pin down the behaviors that are really supporting us and the ones which are not really helping us move forward.

Todd Bertsch: 8:00

Right Now. That’s great, and so why did you get into this field? Did you always envision yourself here 20 years later?

Dr. Laura Aldape: 8:23

and they were looking for a student who will then take away. Take the topic of private equity and hedge funds and see why this type of investments were very at that time in 2006, seven before the mayor crashed. Why were they at the forefront compared to other products? And then the idea was to measure Switzerland compared to London and Singapore. Then the idea was to measure Switzerland compared to London and Singapore, and the research it did continuously, it was not. It always came back to the same things. It was not what gave the asset manager or the company or the hedge fund. The product was not what it has saying by itself. It was the stakeholder management how they treat their customers, what type of personalized service they were giving to their consumers or to their clients. What makes the difference at the end of the day. So everything at the end of the day had nothing to do with some part of the financial structure.

Dr. Laura Aldape: 9:20

Yes, but what really drove this behavior of why people will invest with some companies compared to other ones was the social characteristics of their asset management. So it went down once and again to social skills, social skills, social skills. And what was that basically? Emotional intelligence, how assertive I am. How do I deal with stakeholders, how do I take decisions? How do I navigate, uh, to resilience? How do I am, I stress, tolerant or not? And this is what really. What was the major finding of this five, six years research? And that’s when I decided okay, uh, the economical part, yes, it has a big saying to it, but let me focus on this not so easy to measure aspect, which is our habits, our behaviors. So that’s the story.

Todd Bertsch: 10:13

Wow, that’s awesome. Well, we’re grateful that you spent this time, because the result of that is this book that we’re going to get to. I think this is a good segue into talking about mindsets. I know you have some strong opinions and thoughts about a growth mindset and I know there’s a lot of discussions about what that really is a growth mindset versus a fixed mindset. Can you tell us a little bit about just your thoughts behind a mindset, and then this will kind of set us up for talking about the book a mindset, and then this will kind of set us up for talking about the book.

Dr. Laura Aldape: 10:52

Yes, so this is the starting point of the book, where I describe how a mindset was created or formed, and this is explained through the circle of experience. As you know, we are constantly being bombarded by emotions and thoughts, so it’s thought and emotions going from the amygdala to the prefrontal cortex the whole day, backfiring back and forth. Those emotions and thoughts will bring us to create some habits, habits that we do constantly and, without really going to the conscious level, become a behavior, a constant behavior that we are not really questioning at times. This behavior will then create an action and then we will have a result. And then we decide oh, I’m doing this no matter what happens in my life, I end up seeing the world and judging the world and create a narrative of the world through the same glasses or through the same lenses. And that’s because the triggering point, the original emotions and thoughts, are going into this linking system that at the end, if we don’t take one of these links or one of these pillars of this process, we will end up with the same mindset. So what we try to do is to have a mindset that is a little bit more that you can stretch, so a growth mindset, a mindset that you can challenge to go internally and to see is this mindset really propelling me to the next steps or to the situation that I’m currently going through? Or this mindset is really falling short of what I need in order to be a little bit more efficient or effective in what is currently happening in my environment?

Dr. Laura Aldape: 12:27

So mindsets can be changed, but it’s going, as we said, to the mental gym.

Dr. Laura Aldape: 12:32

You need to be first aware that you’re doing things in a recurring manner and you’re being stuck in a way and willing to go out of that comfort zone, because these mindsets were created when we were young.

Dr. Laura Aldape: 12:44

They are created by different things. It’s DNA, so disposition that we have from our parents, but it’s also how we were socialized and part of it is how do we process information. So we have been doing this for many years and normally these mindsets were created when we lacked the emotional intelligence and the awareness of where do we want to be or what do we want to say to the world. This is great in our early years and we need then to reconfigure, to upgrade those mindsets, because the circumstances that we’re living are not the same ones that we had in high school. When you’re in college or when you’re a parent, you need really to re-challenge these mindsets to see if they’re fitting to your current life situation or environment, and this is what we want to encourage our listeners to go there, go to the mental gym, get the impulse to go and do some changes in their lives.

Todd Bertsch: 13:42

Yeah, I love that and I think it goes back to, like you said, doing an audit on a regular basis.

Todd Bertsch: 13:49

So I do this twice a year, so I’ll do it in June and then I’ll do it in December as we approach the new year, and I have kind of a life optimization audit tool that hits all of my pillars in life, in life, and I do this with my wife as well and we go through it and we just see if we’re really aligned.

Todd Bertsch: 14:08

And I think everybody would benefit from doing this audit or alignment check-in, if you will. It’s easy, it’s a good practice to get into and I think the thing to be reminded of is, you know, as we go through life and we were just talking about this, I was talking about this with a friend the other day you know everyone has different seasons in life and as you enter into a season, it could be a milestone of a season where you’re just you’re getting married for the first time or having your first child, or getting this big new promotion, or maybe you’re moving to a new town or a new country. That’s a big change and that’s a good time to evaluate and make sure that you’re still aligned or to tap back into these tools to check your mindset.

Dr. Laura Aldape: 14:57

So the proposal here is going to the mental gym will be to utilize emotional intelligence tools that we’re going to discuss about in order to then make this upgrade to see if we are still aligned with that season that we’re currently going through.

Todd Bertsch: 15:16

Yeah, absolutely. Well, this is a great setup, Without further ado. Optical Emotions. Congratulations, Laura, on publishing this book just a couple of weeks ago. Right, that’s right.

Dr. Laura Aldape: 15:33

It was the 3rd of October when Input Live the hardcover on the paperback version in Amazon, so I’m really really happy about it.

Todd Bertsch: 15:42

Yeah, good for you that talk about a milestone in life, right? I think a lot of us, as leaders, entrepreneurs, have great ideas and we all aspire to write a book. I know that’s on my list, you know, in my, my, my BHAG big, hairy, audacious goal in three to five years. So I love having the opportunity to speak with authors and and just pick their brains a little bit. How long did this book take you? When did you start this?

Dr. Laura Aldape: 16:08

Actually it was during COVID.

Todd Bertsch: 16:11

Yeah and a lot of books were written during that. What a great opportunity. I know COVID was really horrible and it destroyed and we lost a lot of lives, but there was a lot of positivity and a lot of opportunity for those that took advantage of it and saw it as such. So what was your motivation for writing the book? Tell us about the motivation, the story, how you came up with the name. I know your son had some influence on this, which is very cool. I love reading about that, so I’ll just kind of give it over to you and just tell us about this journey.

Dr. Laura Aldape: 16:44

It was an interesting time. As for all of us club, it was a change, a game changer for what we were used to do in our daily lives to here in Zurich or in Switzerland as a whole. We went to quite at the beginning with a lot of confinement, so you were just allowed to go briefly out, which was looking at at a challenge and taking perhaps the good side of it. As you mentioned before, I know for some people it was really a difficult time and lives were taken to this disease, but for me, it gave me the opportunity to have this additional time that I never had, because you’re running errands, you’re as a mom, you’re doing things, driving around, work, other things, but having to be home the whole day. I had this additional hour in the morning, perhaps hour in the afternoon and on weekends, of course, a lot of time to spare because we had to stay sometimes at home. So what happened is I was starting with my blog. I started with my blog in 2018. And then I was seeing some sort of a thread Okay, this topic could be linked to motion intelligence because of related to resilience. Oh, this has to do with conscious adaptability. Oh, this has to do with self-management.

Dr. Laura Aldape: 18:01

So then I started to do like a mind map and try to put blocks together with the idea that we have always I think we have heard this you see the everybody sees life with a different color glasses, like some people more rosy, some people more in a gray stone, depending of how do you experience life. So that’s a really good analogy, but I wanted to bring it to a book. So how can I put that together? And then, for each mental model or for each mindset, I decided to create like a character based on an eyeglass model or an eyewear model, which was the pessimist when you see the very, almost like augmented glasses to see the world, because you look basically more to the worst case scenario type of attitude Conformer. Have you seen those foldable glasses? Because you are conforming to what the environment tells you and you’re not putting yourself there in the center. And that’s how these eight mental models came live, plus the ninth, which is the 2020 vision.

Dr. Laura Aldape: 19:05

When we try to put, then, emotional intelligence into the play, how do we can shift our prescription from our glasses, but trying to challenge this, this mental model or this mindset? So that was the first part of it. So during covid, the second part was also because I saw myself always as a doer. I was doing, and doing, and doing since high school and I was thinking like, why do I see the world as a place where I always have to measure myself against my productivity or how many chores I do each day, or how many recipes do I cook for the weekend? You know, everything had to do personally or professionally was always linked to a task, and only until this task came about and I was completed I got this sense of gratification. It was like so what emotion was? What was I linking to all of this process? Why was I only was waiting to be happy or to experience joy when I did these tasks? And then I sat back and I say but not everybody got the same memo.

Todd Bertsch: 20:08

I have colleagues which were simply I got it, I got the memo, I’m the same as you, same thing. So I’m sitting here going yep, yep, that was me, I need my list, check it off. And then I’m moving on to the next one. I’m like not happy, I thought I would be because I checked it off. And then there’s five more. I’m like damn, I got to go back and if I don’t do it, I’m beating up myself. No grace, so sorry.

Dr. Laura Aldape: 20:31

Guilt trips. Not being grateful to being in the moment, not enjoying the present moment, is the guilt trip. Oh, I have to run into the next errand, whatever that may be. Yeah, from laundry to going to the office and finishing a project. And what happened there is when I started questioning me. I see some colleagues at work or friends, which are much more relaxed. They must be interpreting the world from a totally different glass, a different perspective, especially during COVID, because I felt very caged in a way. I do a bunch of things and suddenly you were not allowed to do things Legally.

Dr. Laura Aldape: 21:12

very caged in a way, because I do a bunch of things and suddenly you were not allowed to do things legally, I mean, it was. You were not allowed to do many of the things that we took for granted before, right and? And then I thought so how is this process being digested by many people? Then I thought there must be some people which are dreamers, there must be some people which are more laid back, which are going through this process in a totally different, tackling the situation in a different manner, and that’s how the whole process started to to to evolve like situation, what we were living and trying to make sense for myself and research that I had for my phd.

Dr. Laura Aldape: 21:43

Putting all of this together and also, as I mentioned, some inspiration from my son, which these are your bigger teachers. Like mom, why are you always run? Why can’t you just sit with me and do the homework once and before you start doing supper or whatever it was? But all of these things that started to fall into place and my will to see the world through another to another glass, because I I learned and we’re going to discuss perhaps we’re more than that. We’re holistic human beings. We have a place to be dreamers. We have a place that perhaps we are pessimists because something that we live in the past we tend to to be saviors at times, because we want to live our passion and to help others. That’s our innate nature. So so what does it mean? The same situation for the different mental models?

Todd Bertsch: 22:35

and that’s how it came about that’s cool, great, and I love that. You know you’re admitting to struggling. You know, here you are admitting to struggling. You know, here you are, phd, been studying this for years. You’re also an emotional intelligence coach, but you’re not perfect as much as and you probably are a perfectionist right, or probably were- yeah.

Todd Bertsch: 22:58

So that’s. I picked that up and I’m like, yep, I am too. I’m going to do a whole episode on that. It’s such an important topic. But the key here is, you know, you were able to identify, you were self-aware enough to say this just, this doesn’t feel right, I can’t, this isn’t sustainable. I can’t continue down this path. And it’s not just me. There are other people in my life that I’m not being able to serve in the way that I want to and should be, especially being a mother, being a parent. So I love that you put it out there. You said, look, I’m not perfect, I struggle with this, and this is what kind of pushed me, enabled me to start formulating these ideas and mapping these out. And here is this wonderful book. So I love it and I will say, like, this book is phenomenal, and I’m not just saying that because you’re on the show.

Todd Bertsch: 23:52

I’ve read a lot. I think I mentioned this to you. I have a very high emotional intelligence. I’ve been doing the work, I continue to do the work. I’ve been doing it for three, four years now. I went through the Positive Intelligence Program which we talked about. Shirzad Shamim amazing program changed my life forever and there’s a lot of similarities. This book that you created would be a great complement to that book. If somebody picks up both those books and goes through both those programs, you will be a machine. You will be an amazing, the most fulfilled, the most happy person on this earth. I truly believe that, so highly recommend the book. We’ll have it in the show notes and we’ll have links to it and we’re going to get into it more.

Todd Bertsch: 24:35

But I just wanted to mention that and what I also really loved about the book, laura, oftentimes when a PhD gets into writing a book and there’s tons of research involved, which is great, right, you got to have some research, you got to have some science right, those are the most successful topics and books. But sometimes they can get a little inundated with the data and for us lay people, even though I’m very experienced on the topic, you know I usually read 9, 10 o’clock at night when the family’s asleep and it can get a little tough to go through. But not your book. You have the data, you have the research, so you have the credibility and you’ve done the work. You’ve been doing this for a long time, but you really presented it in a way that makes it so easy and fun to go through.

Todd Bertsch: 25:25

So I just want people to know that, like when you hear emotional intelligence backed by a bunch of research, don’t be afraid or feel like this isn’t something that you could dive into. And you mentioned in the book, you don’t have to go cover to end. You can just pick up a section and just wade through it, and I love that too, not feeling confined, that I got to start here. You know, as a perfectionist, I’m going to get to the end and, you know, check it off, but it was really an enjoyable book, easy, an easy read.

Todd Bertsch: 25:53

Easy in that it was just nice and pleasant and you give a lot of stories and I love that.

Todd Bertsch: 25:59

And they’re real stories, right, these were actual people that you encountered or coached or met, and some are strangers. And then you apply it to each of the mental models and for readers, it allows us to put ourselves, see ourselves in that person, and it makes it so much more relatable and that’s what I love about books like that and about your book. So it’s the examples and just the way that it was structured, taking you through and the eyeglass analogy is that was brilliant, honestly, because a lot of these concepts can be hard to wrap your head around, but when you can put a familiar metaphor, analogy in place, that makes it a lot easier to digest. So, anyhow, just kudos to you and just kind of setting up. You know the book and what it’s all about and how easy it is to get through, so so yeah, with that being said, let’s let’s talk through it. So take us through the book and how it’s set up and what people might get out of it and how it’s set up and what people might get out of it.

Dr. Laura Aldape: 27:07

Yes, so linking it to what you said before. After doing the PhD, when I said myself to write the book, I said I want to write a book with the least footnotes possible and it doesn’t feel like a heavy thing. It has to in order for us to absorb information. The lighter, the more relatable, the more linked to a story, it’s easier to be able to create a link to those characters which are mentioned in the book. So the book starts and I have it here with me.

Dr. Laura Aldape: 27:38

It starts with very, very general trying to discuss what is a mindset, why do we create a mindset and how mindsets and perceptions are constantly being played in our life which then create some sort of personality or some sort of modus operandi, as I call it in the book, that if we don’t challenge that, then we are just running the day through these glasses and there’s always a cost for it. This is also discussed in the book. For these eight mental models, there is a character attached to it, plus the glasses that they are wearing, and there’s always a cost. We need to know that. We will only assert the behavior if we experience either pain or joy and if we’re not in a situation where we really can relate to that and really say, okay, if I continue to do things like this, this way, it’s more the service that I’m doing to me and to my family, to my community, to my company. That’s where the behavior starts then, to start being reshaped.

Dr. Laura Aldape: 28:45

That’s where the behavior starts then to start being reshaped, but only when we get to that level of self-awareness and willingness to then open the closet and go through through all the dirty clothes that we have been hanging there for a while, all the skeletons yes, so and and this takes courage not everybody will be wanting to do that.

Dr. Laura Aldape: 29:06

And the main issue is that if things don’t get really, really bad and we don’t see that there is a need for me to do that or some triggering point in my life that will move me towards that, it will be difficult for the reader or for somebody who’s willing to go to a training. But if you’re not really willing to do this change in order to have more well-being and a more, let’s say, a happier life at the end of the day, a more fulfilling life with contentment, with peace, you will will not do it. So this book is for people who want to do that extra mile. I always say when people come to me to the trainings, it’s like by being here half a day, one day seminar, you’re not you. You will hear the concepts, but it’s up to you to go and put them into practice, and nobody else can do that for you that’s right and therefore everybody.

Dr. Laura Aldape: 30:07

I want to make it relatable because everybody’s at a different stage on their development, on their personal development, and you cannot throw all of these very hard concepts right away. Even for some experienced people, it’s too much to digest and on the same time, you’re doing your internal work. You need to go easy on it. So that’s how I decided to tackle it. What’s this is? This is somehow we set the stage to see the different mental models. There is an app or or in the book by itself. There’s also the pencil pen questionnaire. You can use the app to then pull the digit, for he will add and subtract some numbers that you have to do there in order then to predefine which are your pre. They will appear in descending order which are your most predominant mental models. We tend to move between two or three, and these are the ones we feel more comfortable with and these are the ones who shape our personality. Therefore, leaving our personality behind is fruitful. So you have to be aware that once you go to this list, you will have to sit back and see is this really me?

Dr. Laura Aldape: 31:14

Go back to the book and say what are some traits? Are these traits that are recognizing me? And this is a framework. I try to give a framework. There are some traits that will be one-to-one and some that could be that not. There are not too much apparent in your, in your models of brandy or the way that you judge or the way that you create narrative. But I wanted to to create a framework that we have the discussion. You know it’s it’s not a black, black and white book and then after that I match the mental model or the eye work glass type with the emotional intelligence skills and then there’s 34 cognitive behavioral therapy exercises at the end of the book. Very short summarize 15 to 20 minutes. You can do one in a month, two in a week. This is about the tempo of the reader and then start this introspection, journaling, discussing with other people what do they see in me? What are my strengths? Where am I falling short by the different soft skills that are in line throughout the book?

Todd Bertsch: 32:24

this is, this is basically the book in a nutshell yeah, yeah, I love it and you’re right, the exercises are super easy and you don’t have to have a coach to go through this. So you know you can buy the book. I I forget what it costs 20, 30 bucks, um, and it it. You have the tools, but, but, like you said, just with any personal growth, you have to make that choice. So you have the control. Everybody is capable of it. We are built to evolve, but you have to make that choice. You can have the tools, you can have a coach, you can have all these different aspects that can help you get to that next level, but you have to make that choice and you have to do the work.

Todd Bertsch: 33:16

I said I went through the Positive Intelligence Program and I had a lot of work to do. I struggle with patience and a temper to do. I struggle with patience and a temper, and that book allowed me to build my mental muscle you know like you talked about and allowed me to build a pause button inside, you know of my brain. That allowed me to just stop and reflect and not react, and that changed my life. But that took a lot of work and it took about a year and I’m still. I still have my moments, but they’re far and few and my recovery is like minutes and I’m back to that positive, I can reframe, and that’s key. It’s not only you know doing the work and getting there, but it’s the recovery when you do have some slip ups, because we’re human, we’re all going to have those little blips, right. We can’t think of it from a perfectionist mindset. That is the worst mindset you could have, right. It’s just it won’t do you any good. But yeah, it’s really easy to go through and there’s also an app. So we’ll have a QR code in the show notes or in the video as well, so you can go, take the app and it’s a quiz. So I did the app last night and when I read the book I thought I was going to be the mental model of a doer, which you know you are, and it just kind of made sense.

Todd Bertsch: 34:38

That was very low on the list. I actually my highest rating was a savior and I was really surprised by that. But I went back into the book and I started reading through it and it makes a lot of sense and it really got me thinking about why am I a savior? And I think it goes back to and I’d be curious to get your thoughts but going back to childhood and going through high school and college and I have a coach and a high performance coach and we continue to work through this but I have this level of guilt of not allowing myself to be happy and be successful because I’ve I don’t know. I just feel like you know, I’ve made so many mistakes and I’ve done some stupid things over the years and maybe not been the best person that I could be and I don’t feel like I deserve it. So there’s that savior piece of well, if I go and I devote all this time and effort to helping other people, that’s going to make me feel happy and feel like I’m doing the right thing. That’s going to make me feel happy and feel like I’m doing the right thing. So, yeah, there was a lot of interesting feedback and exercises in the book to really have me reflect on. But yeah, I was surprised by the Savior. So I’m going to go through some of those exercises and just the reflection part it just made me think about.

Todd Bertsch: 36:03

Hmm, well, maybe there are some things and I’ve done a lot of work, so a lot of the things that you mentioned there I’m like yep, I did that and that’s not me because I’ve done this work. But there is still something there and I think for me, I’m that very resourceful person and I have a big network, so a lot of people in a hard work ethic. So people, a lot of people will reach out to me for help and they know that I love to help. So my biggest challenge going forward is saying no.

Todd Bertsch: 36:32

Just that I want to and I have that guilt and I need to recognize and be self-aware of that, but I can’t help everybody. And this year has been interesting. I have I’ve had more people reach out for just a variety of reasons and I just, you know, I had to pick and choose, like which ones made the most sense for me and, you know, would make me the most fulfilled and really needed my help. But I had to say no to a few and that hurt, that was tough and I’m going to continue to struggle with that Right. So I don’t know what are your thoughts on all that?

Dr. Laura Aldape: 37:07

trying to go to the mental gym. It takes energy. So every action or everything that we do is it’s uh, saying to something. Yes, you’re saying to something, not right as you, as you said before, but it’s very important. When, for the savior model and the experience I had with with other people that I know them and with the test they also came as saviors, it was they had this guilt of of not being accepted if they were more than the rest. So what you do in order to get this acceptance. So I just help you that you feel that we’re buddies, that I’m with you in this one. But along the way, yes, it has a part where you get some gratification, but if you don’t tend for your needs first, you’re depleted and you don’t have energy anymore to tend for you.

Dr. Laura Aldape: 37:54

So one of the the one of the clients I had once was she was putting so much help in supporting her peers that when it came to promotions, the other ones were getting promoted because she always helped them to to do to do stuff or to finish some work at the workplace, but she was not, was not raising her voice. She was helping the other ones to raise and then, when it was time for her to speak up. She. She said I was exhausted because the whole week I was helping somebody else to do that, and and then she said the savior part of me helps me into a certain extent or or to a certain point, but then I had to learn, as you say, to say no in order to tend to my needs and also look for myself.

Dr. Laura Aldape: 38:40

As, as she said, I also have to pay the bills myself. As, as she said, I also have to pay the bills. I mean, I have some deals and that’s nice, but I also have to look for myself. So that was, that was another story, and I and this is the guilt and this is the, the sense of community we want to be a part- of that we don’t want to be rejected and we want to feel that we’re giving and receiving.

Dr. Laura Aldape: 39:00

And when you feel that you are, um, not really focusing on others but on you, that can also have this connotation of being selfish, and you don’t want to come across like a selfish person. So that’s also the other argument that the Savior has like, oh no, I’m not helping, that means I don’t care, and that’s not the case.

Todd Bertsch: 39:20

Right, exactly, yeah, you have to do the work for yourself, right, you can’t be selfish. And it doesn’t come off as being selfish. It actually comes off as, excuse me, being brilliant because you’re, you’re taking time to work on your personal growth and that, and you say it in the book working on yourself is going to allow you to help more people. I love, I love this story about. Is it Alan or Alain?

Dr. Laura Aldape: 39:45

Which is the nurse which was always like giving yourself too much for the other.

Todd Bertsch: 39:50

He had a broken shoulder and he just kept going and going. But when you met with him and I love that you took the time here’s this stranger you just met by happenstance. You were both in the ER waiting room and then you ended up, I believe, probably forming a really great relationship and it took a while. You didn’t give up. You kept up on this guy and he wasn’t paying you. You know. You just wanted to help him out. You wanted to help him out, ironically, and his struggle was helping out too much and he needed to reflect and work on himself.

Todd Bertsch: 40:23

it was deep-rooted and in him trying to prove himself to his you know, his parents are not going to be a doctor and so it’s again going back to just having this really interesting, relatable story. It’s not a fable. These, these are real people that you’ve met and I love that one and I can relate to it. And that’s me, Like I will. You don’t tell me I’m like Rocky and I’ll. I’ll scratch and claw and I’ll do the work and I don’t care if my shoulder’s broken. But at the end of the day, you just you have to reflect and say, Hmm, this is not doing me a justice. I can do more and be better if I can take care of myself. So and I think there’s a lot of people that can relate it’s tough, it’s tough and everybody needs to do this work.

Todd Bertsch: 41:12

I don’t care where you’re at on the level or you’re just now being introduced to emotional intelligence. It will help you be a better person. There is no doubt in my mind, and I’m sure you’ll attest to that You’ve done it. You’re a coach, emotional intelligence coach, and you’ve written this book and you’ve done the research’s. There it’s. The proof is in the pudding. It’s, it’s there. So I just encourage everyone to give it a chance. And it’s all about you got to be self-aware. That’s okay, it’s okay. There’s nothing wrong with that doesn’t mean that you’re not macho man anymore. You can get in tune with your emotions. It will make you a stronger, more balanced, more focused, more resilient, more empathetic, a better leader, a better husband, a better friend. Who doesn’t want that? Or why wouldn’t you want that right?

Dr. Laura Aldape: 42:06

And the thing is that life will throw us every single day something different in our plate, will chose every single day something different in a plate. So if you do that, just knowing that, perhaps you have additional tools to get you there, to be the better partner, the better husband, the better parent, as you said, who doesn’t want to be there? And if you can do that by just tweaking with some very practical tools, just go one uh once a day, 10 to 20 minutes, to do some sort of uh introspection on the exercise of the book. That really starts shaping your, your mindset and really trying to see it from another perspective. Then the next day perhaps, when you are confronted with something similar, then you already have somehow of an experience how it went.

Dr. Laura Aldape: 42:50

And I wrote the book and I and I know about the topic. But it is a struggle. Every single day something new that we have to tackle with. And if somebody comes at you at the workplace and they don’t talk to you nicely, sometimes you’re also like not in, you’re in, you’re not being assertive at that moment, and then you’re like thinking why didn’t I say this? Why, even if you know the whole theory, we are always confronted and if we can bring something to the people that they can really then have a more fulfilling life. Uh the better, because then I feel as well that it’s not you’re benefiting somebody, but you’re having this spillover effect, because there will be a better partner and a better husband, and then so many other people will benefit from this spiral of positive or collective consciousness.

Todd Bertsch: 43:42

The ripple.

Todd Bertsch: 43:42

We call it the ripple, the ripple, the ripple effect right so it’s not just you, it’s all the people that you serve and then they’re going to take that. It’s like social media it just compounds, but it’s doing the work, making a choice, doing the work and being consistent and then and then it becomes habit. Right, but sometimes you need to check that habit. Habits are great, but sometimes it can get you in a cycle and you get stuck or you’re in a new season of life and it’s a habit, like you said, and I love that. Just, I love the analogy of the eyeglass, because we do as we get older.

Todd Bertsch: 44:17

I didn’t need the glasses forever and I finally did. I was watching Jeopardy. One day I’m like, oh my gosh, I can’t even read the questions anymore and then I’m going to need to upgrade those right Every five, 10 years. And that’s a great way to think about this. We just all need to do that reflection and, honestly, that’s been the key for me. I love journaling. I’m big on journaling every day, even a couple of points, and then a little bit more involved on a monthly basis, doing the meditation and just reflecting and being aware. That’s the key and it takes time and practice, but just start small and watch that growth take shape.

Dr. Laura Aldape: 44:58

Exactly yeah, one step at a time.

Todd Bertsch: 45:01

One step at a time. So what’s next, laura? Are you thinking about another book already? Are you just taking a breath and doing some shows, some interviews, really trying to get the book out there? Anything? What’s your big, hairy, audacious goal after this TED Talk? Because I could totally see you being on a TED Talk with this.

Dr. Laura Aldape: 45:22

And it is so strange because this happened many, many years ago. I went to in a business trip. I went to Madrid and I was there on the hotel and I just went to shop a bookshop and the book that spoke to me the most was TED Talk and I was like, but why would I need this book now? And now, in retrospect the other day, I was like, oh, this could be perhaps something that I can start reading. So the whole methodology, how does this work? And what skills do you need to make a conversation relatable at the end of the day, to reach more people? And this is something that I think I could see on my bucket list going forward. But it takes a lot of courage to be vulnerable in a sense.

Todd Bertsch: 46:10

Oh, absolutely Even more so than writing a book, right, because you’re on the stage, you have what is it? 12, 15 minutes, and you’re putting yourself out there. It’s recorded, it’s going to be out to the world, it’s on the internet. You know there’s going to be a video of it. I mean, I think you should. Personally, I know I’m waiting to find that topic. That’s really going to get me amped. You know that’s backed by science that I can really take and share and that’s why the podcast and doing all this is helping me formulate those materials. But you have it, you have it right here in this wonderful book. So I think that’s an excellent bucket list item for you.

Dr. Laura Aldape: 46:49

So I look forward to seeing that, watching that excellent bucket list item for you, so I look forward to to seeing that. Watching that, I think the next step is to to really now start to spread the word, because always these topics are a little bit, the words seem a little bit.

Dr. Laura Aldape: 47:03

This is not like our daily language when you talk about assertiveness, about decision making process, so it sounds a little bit daunting for some people which are not, which have not had access to this, to this material before.

Dr. Laura Aldape: 47:17

But what I want is to spread the word that this is not rocket science, that this is reachable or this is possible for anybody to go to this, to this process, and that it’s not rocket science, it’s just the will and I think that the funny thing and thank you for asking the question, because somebody asked okay, then you went up on the hill. So when you’re there, once you’re there and then you look down, it’s like, oh, now, what’s next? Now I have to have a strategy to start, to start putting this to the next level. So I think spreading the word will be the first one and then trying to do trainings related to the content of the book will be something that I that I would love to do for 2025. So putting already the, the vision there in order to the neurons, follow that that neural path is created and then I can create this new habit of going towards this objective Practice what you preach.

Todd Bertsch: 48:12

Yep, awesome. Well, that’s great. I’m excited to watch and see where this journey takes you. I know it’s going to be nothing but positive and great things that are ahead for you. We’re going to leave a ton of links in the show notes so people can download. You have a ton of links in the show notes so people can download. You have a ton of downloads, a thermometer, these cue cards. You can take the quiz, you can read the blog, obviously, buy the book.

Todd Bertsch: 48:44

Highly recommend buying this book. So we’ll have all those in the show notes and then links to Laura’s website and all of her social media so you can follow her, and I love some of the things that you’ve been posting lately. It’s a very positive and thought-provoking ideas, so I highly recommend that, and Laura has been kind enough to offer two free books, which is cool. So for our first two listeners who email me at the bolt at todd birchcom, we will coordinate with you and get you a free book. So thank you, laura, for doing that. I think that’s an awesome, awesome way just to kick off, you know, this book tour, if you will.

Dr. Laura Aldape: 49:30

Thank you, and happy also to connect with people via LinkedIn, answer questions also related with the podcast, or via Todd, please feel free. It’s about getting the conversation going. It’s about motivating people wanting to go to the mental gym, so I think if we achieve that, I will be super, super happy. That will be like the icing on the cake after being part of this podcast. I love that. I love that super, super happy. That will be like the icing on the cake after being part of this podcast.

Todd Bertsch: 49:54

I love that. I love that Just being a servant leader and wanting to give back, and I mean, it took me a long time to find happiness, but I found it and I’m continuing to do the work. But I just want everyone to have the opportunity to be aware that they can right and just make that choice. You don’t need a life coach, although it certainly helps. You just need to have the will, like you said, to make a choice, to go, try it and it’s. You know, they are simple things. It just takes time and it takes the work, but everybody’s capable. So great message. Laura, I thank you so much for giving me an opportunity to meet you and to share your story with our listeners. The book, again, is amazing. I think it should be a New York Times bestseller, but either way, there’s going to be opportunity for you with a TED Talk and so many other things that you’re going to do. So I appreciate you and thank you.

Todd Bertsch: 50:55

From Switzerland. Having this conversation on a beautiful Friday morning, I can see the sunlight shining through. We had to put this black drape up because it was just you know, it was blowing me out in terms of the lights, but we have a beautiful day here in Akron, ohio as well, so I’m excited, I’m juiced up for the day. But we have a beautiful day here in Akron, ohio as well, so I’m excited, I’m juiced up for the day, I’m happy, joyful. Those are the emotions that I’m feeling right now and I’m just going to carry those throughout the day, and I’m grateful that we made this connection. Laura, thank you so much.

Dr. Laura Aldape: 51:25

Same here and thank you, because emotions are contagious and now I’m really feeling the vibe as well, really really grateful and happy to have closed my day in this very special moment. So thanks Todd and the BOLT.

Todd Bertsch: 51:41

Thank you for listening to this episode of the Bolt Podcast. You’re on an inspiring journey of growth, transformation and joy, and I’m honored to be a part of it. If you found this episode valuable, please like share it with your friends and consider leaving a review. It means the world to us For show notes, and resources and to subscribe to the weekly Motivational Monday newsletter. Please toddbertsch.com visit and don’t forget to follow us on social @theBoltwithToddB, for more inspiration. Remember, real change doesn’t happen overnight. Folks Start small, stay consistent, and watch as your growth unfolds. See you next time.